Life down here is not bad, but nothing spectacular for sure. I miss my boy, who is not factually mine at all but has certainly made me lose it a couple of times. Other than that I still long for an answer to my pathetic fanmail and every day which passes by feeds my hard feelings towards The Silent.
I also grow lazier and lazier as times goes by. It's not about lacking the energy - it's the need for motivation that's keeping me paralized. All new or cool ideas I may get end up in the trash 'cause something inside of me finds the way to talk me out of them. That it's not worth trying, I hear, that there'll be no satisfaction afterwards. At the end, nothing really seems to be able to get me out of this claustrophobic monotony, and any attempts are as pointless as discouraging.
I feel I'm all potential and no action I take. And when I come to think of it, it's not the first time it happens to me. It's been like this for a while - evidence shows I've made no progress. What then, can fuel me out of it? What am I waiting for? No one but me has the key. But you see how I started this monologue - with words about missing people, expecting them to do something, as if that could fix my depressing frame of mind and thus all my problems.
... 'Cause that's what my problems are, really... Just a bad frame of mind...
Dearest Vicky, I do hope your vacations are working out for you. I'm sure your parents are looking after you and your brothers well enough, but I beg you to tell me if anything's troubling your mind more than fair. I'm anyway looking forward to your e-mail on last weekend's events...
Wish you a warm cozy night - for I know you'll read this in bed and turn the ligths off afterwards.
Yours,
Alice
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